• Daydream
• Post on social media
• Count the organ pipes
• Doodle on the bulletins
• Study the stain glass windows
• Draw caricatures of the preacher
• Create a To Do List for next week
• Rank the worst songs in the hymnal
• Determine where to eat Sunday lunch
• Time how long you can hold your breath
• Tally how many times “just” is used in prayers
• Check whether the flag and cross stands are straight
• Furtively play Candy Crush on your muted smart phone
• Critique the preacher’s annoying hand and speech mannerisms

Or . . .

• Be where your feet are and hear God’s Word

Hermann Rorschach published his self-named “Rorschach Ink Blot Test” in 1921 to identify personality characteristics. As an armchair psychologist, I have created the “Bill Burch Bookshelf Test.” It’s easy to take—just list the items on your bookshelves, and let a friend diagnose how messed-up you are!

Here’s a partial list of things you will find on my office bookshelves:

• 18 Bibles
• 15 pictures of family
• 13 Coca-Cola commemorative bottles
• 8 Nativity sets
• 5 ocean polished stones from Iona, Scotland
• 2 Communion patens and chalices
• 1 plug-in, bubbling, Christmas candle
• NCAA baseball from a Georgia Tech foul ball
• Foam bison from a Northside staff retreat—long story!
• Bound collections of “Calvin & Hobbes” and “The Far Side”
• Various cups, including a Dunder Mifflin coffee mug
• Model of Snoopy perched atop his doghouse
• Shadow box with fragments from the Berlin Wall
• Hand painted Easter egg
• Oh, and books!

The test reveals that I am a highly intelligent and gifted person of character who is well balanced in every way with no neuroses or psychoses!

How does your list reveal what’s important to you?

I enjoy hot foods and beverages HOT; and I enjoy cold foods and beverages COLD. Warm and cool have no place on the Bill Burch Temperature Scale. Jesus himself said something about spewing the lukewarm out of his mouth. I am proof texting Revelation 3:16, but the point remains.

I like my black coffee piping hot. I use hot water to pre-warm a mug before pouring the life-giving elixir. The java always reaches the dreaded WARM STAGE before complete consumption.

A coworker visited my office one day with an Ember temperature control mug. The “smart” coffee cup uses an internal battery and heater to regulate temperature. Color me intrigued.

An amazon.com visit caused sticker shock. $150 for the mug, accessories, shipping, and taxes left me cold. I explored lesser priced options before settling on the Nextmug. It included all the bells and whistles for a price in the double digits.

The mug sits on a charging station with three temperature settings: WARM (see above), HOT (Goldilocks’ “just right”), or PIPING HOT (prepare to sue McDonalds). It keeps the liquid at the desired temperature for at least an hour, which more than suits my needs.  

I recognize that self-regulating coffee mugs rank midway on a list of first-world conveniences, but a hot cup of joe provides one of life’s minor joys. A social influencer would provide a product hyperlink to generate advertising revenue. This exceeds my IT capabilities, so consider this to be a Public Service Announcement for hot-coffee lovers everywhere.  

I saw a sign on Highway 11 near Covington, Georgia. The handmade placard declared, “IT’S ALL GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.” I contemplated the message while traveling 55 mph eastbound.  

The author referenced “ALL.” The global statement encompassed every contingency, both individual and corporate, with no qualifications. Whatever we face, it’s but a part of the greater human experience.

The future-tense “GOING TO BE” recognized that “ALL” is not “ALRIGHT” here and now. Rain falls on the just and unjust in a fallen world. No one escapes without an unfair share of bumps, bruises, scars, and stiches.

I wondered what “ALRIGHT” looked like from the person’s worldview. Perhaps s/he espoused a Pollyanna optimism that somehow everything works out. Maybe the sentiment expressed a theological certainty of divine deliverance in this world and the next.

Scripture testifies that the Lord is the Alpha and Omega, forming the bookends of existence. Nothing occurs outside the context of God’s mercy, grace, and love. Frederick Buechner noted, “Resurrection means the worst thing is never the last thing.”

Remember: “IT’S ALL GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.”

Clergy are religious professionals. The church sets apart ordained ministers for specialized ministry. Our job description includes worship, Bible study, prayer, and service. We get paid to do the very things God calls Christians to do.

If pastors are not careful, then church work can become a job rather than a vocation, a career rather than a calling. Temptation constantly beckons:

• To worship rather than worship
• To lead prayer rather than pray
• To practice sermon preparation rather than spiritual devotions
• To prepare Bible study rather than study the Bible
• To chair committees rather than provide leadership
• To attend meetings rather than perform ministry
• To preach sermons rather than practice what we preach.

Laity face the same temptation. We can all act like professional Christians. Temptation constantly beckons us:

• To go through the motions rather than experience the emotions
• To keep the letter of the law rather than the spirit
• To do church work rather than be the church.
• To offer the minimum amount required rather than the maximum effort necessary.

Do we possess a “HAVE TO,” “OUGHT TO,” or “GET TO” attitude about our faith? Choose carefully because the response shapes our entire relationship with God.

Northside Church celebrated Student Sunday last weekend. The youth led worship, including two students who co-preached the sermon. They embodied Paul’s advice to his protégé in 1 Timothy 4:12: “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”

Last Sunday called to mind church members who encouraged my initial call to the ordained ministry. I recall with gratitude those long-suffering saints who endured my first, feeble attempts at speaking and preaching.

• I taught my first Bible study as a 5^th grader to a roomful of adults at Columbia Drive UMC in Decatur. I covered the entire book of James in 9 minutes.
• I preached my first sermon at Little River UMC in Woodstock, which lasted 12 minutes with two minutes of “uhs” and “youknows.” I figured the increase in content from 9 to 12 minutes represented a 33.3% improvement.  
• My senior pastor, Bill Edwards, allowed me to preach on Sunday nights at Kennesaw UMC while I served as the youth pastor during seminary. The Christian Growth Sunday School class bragged on my homiletical expertise, a venial sin of dishonesty cancelled by their loving support.  
• The bishop appointed me after seminary to a two-point circuit outside Newnan. Mount Carmel and Emory Chapel UMCs took great pride in raising their “boy preachers.” I spent five years slowly learning my craft.
• The list continues to present day. I give thanks for those who supported me along the way.

Maybe one of the students who led worship last Sunday will recall the saints at Northside Church who supported them in their first steps towards ordained ministry.

Dr. Kelly McGonigal, a Stanford University Professor of Psychology, published The Willpower Instinct in 2013. She defined willpower as “the ability to choose what matters most, even when it’s difficult or when some part of you wants to choose something else.”

The author wrote identified three practices that help us to STOP bad or sinful habits:

1. I won’t
2. I will
3. I want

The first step is saying, “I won’t.” Prayerfully consider something you need to STOP in your life. Where do you feel the Holy Spirit’s conviction? 

The second step is to say “I will.” Eliminate the negative and embrace the positive. Empty yourself of the harmful and fill yourself with the beneficial.

“I won’t,” and “I will” are bound together by “I want.” We combine our blessed imagination with the Holy Spirit’s power to envision a transformed future. Romans 8:29 states that the final goal of the salvation process is to be conformed to the image of Jesus Christ.

God’s will inspires and empowers our will power as we become more like Jesus.

I accidentally joined the Classic Film Lovers Facebook Group. I must have clicked rather than swiped. I now belong to a group of 27,276 devotees of old movies.

I don’t like old movies.

Recent riveting discussion debated the merits of Catherine Deneuve versus Jacqueline Bissett, Cary Grant versus Jack Lemmon, and Westworld (1973) versus Westworld (2016). I have no opinion on any of these matters; but I enjoy the posts.

The passionate opinions of the participants intrigue me. Some people out there really LOVE classic films. They ardently champion various films, actors, and genres.

Yet no one feels a need to denigrate another’s opinion. Whether you’re a Catherine Deneuve or a Jacqueline Bisset fan, it’s all good. Let’s agree Cary Grant and Jack Lemmon both dominated the screen. Westworld (1973) or Westworld (2016)? Enjoy them both!

Compare and contrast the attitudes of my Classic Film Lovers pals to the rest of Facebook. People on social media walk around with two facts and a baseball bat. We defend our opinions with zealous fervor and demonize others’ ideas with spiteful glee.

Steven Covey wrote in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, “Seek first to be understood, then to be understood.” This is a timely principle in a polarizing culture.

Listen and reflect rather than ignore and react. We might learn something along the way.  

I remain a proud member of the Classic Film Lovers Facebook Group. Does anyone know how to stream Doctor Zhivago? Here’s to you, kid!

Cut my hand while rummaging through desk drawers. Blotted the blood with Kleenex and applied a bandage.

Noticed an errant smear of blood on the front of my pants. Skulked to the bathroom while avoiding others. Used a damp towel and Tide stick to remove the stain.

A damp spot the size of a salad plate remained. Used additional towels to vigorously dry the wet fabric, praying no one walked through the door mid-process.

Returned to office.

Noticed a missed drop of blood on my pants . . ..

I occasionally visit the Methodist Center at Century Plaza near Clairmont and I-85. The Global Business Center is located catty-corner from the complex’s entrance. The multi-company building features a large sign advertising: “REAL ESTATE – LAW – ACCOUNTING – SEDATION DENTISTRY.”

The last advertisement always catches my attention. I do not know the specifics of Sedation Dentistry, but it sounds like something worth pursuing. I suspect that a drug-induced torpor might enhance any dental procedure.

I don’t fear dentists exactly, but I highly respect anyone putting pointy objects and whirring drills into my mouth. A six-month cleaning tests my pain tolerance. When the tech says, “This might pinch a bit,” I hear the person say, “Or it might feel like a mule kicked you.”

My current dentist does not provide generalized sedation. I’m tempted to change providers to experience this wonderful practice.  

An anti-drug campaign of the 1980s encouraged teens to “JUST SAY NO!”  Nancy Reagan didn’t realize that NO stood for for Nitrous Oxide.

My message is “DON’T DO DRUGS.”

But.

I don’t think dental sedation counts. As for me and my house, I say NO.