Several years ago David Brooks and I published a series of Fun Phrases on our Facebook feeds. I compiled some of my creations in today’s blog.

XYZPDQ

Quickly confirming a pants’ zipper is zipped, performed by the male of the species

The teacher performed a XYZPDQ at his desk before standing to teach the class.

Cubekick

Kicking an errant ice cube under the refrigerator when no one is looking

While his wife was preoccupied, the husband lazily cubekicked rather than picking up the ice.

Tickle-me-ego

Laughing at a joke you told yourself

Although others don’t always get my humor, I tickle-me-ego.

Gel-smell

The alcoholic scent of hand sanitizer

After sanitizing our hands, the gel-smell made us smell like a bar.

Tattoo-booboo

Body art error

The man’s semi-religious tattoo read Phillipians 4:13.

Tumbledusts

Dust bunnies that summersault across the floor, usually when company visits

The fan’s gusts blew tumbledusts down the hall.

K-cup-redux

Reusing a K-cup for a second serving of coffee

The K-cup-redux coffee was so weak that it self-decaffeinated.

Several years ago David Brooks and I published a series of Fun Phrases on our Facebook feeds. I compiled some of my creations in today’s blog.

CEO Church Member

1. Church member who is the Chief Operating Officer of a company
2. Church member who attends worship Christmas-Easter-Only

The CEO member took time off from work to attend worship CEO.

Shakehug

Greeting when one person plans to shake hands while the other initiates a hug

The shakehug between the two friends turned into an awkward waltz.

Concludisinterruptis

The inability of preachers to conclude sermons.

Due to chronic concludisinterruptis, the congregation abandoned hope whenever the preacher said, “In conclusion.”

Clumsyglance

After a clumsy accident, glancing around to see if anyone else witnessed the act.

Despite his concussion, Ray first gave a clumsyglance to see if anyone saw him walk into the glass door.

Surf Thumb Syndrome (STS)

Thumb injury caused by chronic channel surfing

STS pain prevented Bubba from simultaneously watching the NASCAR race and bowling tournament.

Digidate

A blind date arranged by an online, matchmaking service.

Rachel’s disappointing digidate turned out to be an un-kissed frog rather than a handsome prince.

Man-cold

Life threatening illness experienced by males accompanied by involuntary moaning, groaning, and complaining.

The husband unwisely compared his man-cold symptoms to his wife’s labor pains. And that’s when the fight started.

Several years ago David Brooks and I published a series of Fun Phrases on our Facebook feeds. I compiled some of my creations in today’s blog.

Bottlecrush

Crushing a plastic water bottle as a macho display of strength, performed by the male of the species

The vain man’s bottlecrush impressed none of the women in the room.

 Facebookfakeout

When you realize the friend you friended on Facebook is not the friend you thought you friended on Facebook.

Honey, I just realized my Facebookfakeout means the Jim Smith we invited to dinner is an Amway salesman rather than my college roommate.

Pew-niptions

Church members’ conniptions when someone sits in THEIR pew.

Sister Jones threw a real pew-niption when the visitors sat in her pew, smiting them mightily about the head and shoulders with her cane.

Zoomutism

Forgetting to unmute your mic when speaking on Zoom.

Angie tried to contribute to the meeting, but her Zoomutism silenced her voice.

Urmuted

Response to someone suffering from Zoommutism.

Urmuted, turn on your mic so we can hear you on Zoom.

Zoomies

In canines, a physical burst of activity from excess energy. In humans, a spiritual dearth of energy from Zoom calls.

Affected by the Zoomies, Rover raced frantically around the room while John stared listlessly at the screen.

Poop-cicle     

What your dog deposits during its morning walk in sub-freezing weather.

I forgot to take a plastic bag, and Rover left a big pile of poop-cicles on the neighbor’s lawn.

I inherited our family’s china after my parents’ deaths. The Haviland Autumn Leaf design features fall leaves and gold trim. We own over a dozen place settings along with assorted serving dishes.

Both my paternal great-grandmother and grandmother collected the Autumn Leaf pattern. I remember them every time we set the table with the fine china. Our granddaughter is the sixth generation in our family to use the dishes.

Bridal registries once featured fine china, sterling silverware, and crystal glassware; but Millennials and Gen Z eschew these traditional gifts. They buy tableware marked Dishwasher Safe. Agents liquidate family heirlooms for pennies on the dollar at estate sales.

My parents stored the china and crystal in large cabinets where it remained safely undisturbed. We have chosen to use it regularly at family gatherings, trading occasional chips for lifelong memories.

Someday our children will inherit these legacies passed down through the generations. I pray that their birthright will remind them of family dinners blessed by laughter and love.

Amen.

Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner taught me valuable life lessons as a child. The cartoon characters’ Saturday morning antics revealed:

• If you run off a cliff, then keep moving your feet and don’t look down.
• Gravity is a real DELETED BY CENSOR.
• Parasols provide poor protection from falling boulders.
• The Acme Corporation sells hard-to-find items like anvils, dynamite, invisible paint, giant rubber bands, and rocket-propelled roller skates.
• Coyotes possess more lives than cats.
• Cannon balls sting but cause no permanent harm.

Most of all, the Coyote taught me to keep trying no matter how many times I failed.

Beep, beep!