• Daydream
• Post on social media
• Count the organ pipes
• Doodle on the bulletins
• Study the stain glass windows
• Draw caricatures of the preacher
• Create a To Do List for next week
• Rank the worst songs in the hymnal
• Determine where to eat Sunday lunch
• Time how long you can hold your breath
• Tally how many times “just” is used in prayers
• Check whether the flag and cross stands are straight
• Furtively play Candy Crush on your muted smart phone
• Critique the preacher’s annoying hand and speech mannerisms

Or . . .

• Be where your feet are and hear God’s Word

Hermann Rorschach published his self-named “Rorschach Ink Blot Test” in 1921 to identify personality characteristics. As an armchair psychologist, I have created the “Bill Burch Bookshelf Test.” It’s easy to take—just list the items on your bookshelves, and let a friend diagnose how messed-up you are!

Here’s a partial list of things you will find on my office bookshelves:

• 18 Bibles
• 15 pictures of family
• 13 Coca-Cola commemorative bottles
• 8 Nativity sets
• 5 ocean polished stones from Iona, Scotland
• 2 Communion patens and chalices
• 1 plug-in, bubbling, Christmas candle
• NCAA baseball from a Georgia Tech foul ball
• Foam bison from a Northside staff retreat—long story!
• Bound collections of “Calvin & Hobbes” and “The Far Side”
• Various cups, including a Dunder Mifflin coffee mug
• Model of Snoopy perched atop his doghouse
• Shadow box with fragments from the Berlin Wall
• Hand painted Easter egg
• Oh, and books!

The test reveals that I am a highly intelligent and gifted person of character who is well balanced in every way with no neuroses or psychoses!

How does your list reveal what’s important to you?

I enjoy hot foods and beverages HOT; and I enjoy cold foods and beverages COLD. Warm and cool have no place on the Bill Burch Temperature Scale. Jesus himself said something about spewing the lukewarm out of his mouth. I am proof texting Revelation 3:16, but the point remains.

I like my black coffee piping hot. I use hot water to pre-warm a mug before pouring the life-giving elixir. The java always reaches the dreaded WARM STAGE before complete consumption.

A coworker visited my office one day with an Ember temperature control mug. The “smart” coffee cup uses an internal battery and heater to regulate temperature. Color me intrigued.

An amazon.com visit caused sticker shock. $150 for the mug, accessories, shipping, and taxes left me cold. I explored lesser priced options before settling on the Nextmug. It included all the bells and whistles for a price in the double digits.

The mug sits on a charging station with three temperature settings: WARM (see above), HOT (Goldilocks’ “just right”), or PIPING HOT (prepare to sue McDonalds). It keeps the liquid at the desired temperature for at least an hour, which more than suits my needs.  

I recognize that self-regulating coffee mugs rank midway on a list of first-world conveniences, but a hot cup of joe provides one of life’s minor joys. A social influencer would provide a product hyperlink to generate advertising revenue. This exceeds my IT capabilities, so consider this to be a Public Service Announcement for hot-coffee lovers everywhere.