Our health insurance company encourages its clients to get an annual health screening provided free of charge. The blood work tests for a variety of conditions. So I faithfully scheduled my appointment last month.

The first five minutes of the exam hardly filled me with confidence. The technician instructed me to wait in Exam Room 1. I opened the door to discover Exam Room 1 was pitch-black. Another office worker finally located the light switch to illuminate Exam Room 1.

The nurse checked the form and said the exam required her to measure my height and weight. I expected the process to include a scale and yard stick. I was wrong.

Instead, she asked, “How much do you weigh?” I responded with the appropriate three digit number which she scribbled down on a page.

“And how tall are you?” the nurse continued. I told the feet and inches which she recorded accordingly.

Then she stretched a tape measure around my waist. This concluded the cursory exam.

I considered asking about self-providing my blood pressure, cholesterol numbers, and other vitals as well, but she didn’t appear to possess a developed sense of humor. Plus, you know, there was that large hypodermic needle in her hand to consider.

After taking a quart of blood, the nurse perfunctorily dismissed me. To be fair, the company proved to be much more efficient. The results posted online the following day.

I passed most of the exam with flying colors. Granted, my blood pressure measured a bit north of ideal. However, I drove thirty minutes through Atlanta traffic before the nurse jammed a six inch needle in my arm. I EARNED those extra 10 systolic points!

And to quote Bill Murry in Caddyshack: “So, I’ve got that goin’ for me, which is nice!”