Several years ago David Brooks and I published a series of Fun Phrases on our Facebook feeds. I compiled some of my creations in today’s blog.

Bottlecrush

Crushing a plastic water bottle as a macho display of strength, performed by the male of the species

The vain man’s bottlecrush impressed none of the women in the room.

 Facebookfakeout

When you realize the friend you friended on Facebook is not the friend you thought you friended on Facebook.

Honey, I just realized my Facebookfakeout means the Jim Smith we invited to dinner is an Amway salesman rather than my college roommate.

Pew-niptions

Church members’ conniptions when someone sits in THEIR pew.

Sister Jones threw a real pew-niption when the visitors sat in her pew, smiting them mightily about the head and shoulders with her cane.

Zoomutism

Forgetting to unmute your mic when speaking on Zoom.

Angie tried to contribute to the meeting, but her Zoomutism silenced her voice.

Urmuted

Response to someone suffering from Zoommutism.

Urmuted, turn on your mic so we can hear you on Zoom.

Zoomies

In canines, a physical burst of activity from excess energy. In humans, a spiritual dearth of energy from Zoom calls.

Affected by the Zoomies, Rover raced frantically around the room while John stared listlessly at the screen.

Poop-cicle     

What your dog deposits during its morning walk in sub-freezing weather.

I forgot to take a plastic bag, and Rover left a big pile of poop-cicles on the neighbor’s lawn.